Blue with his Dad and I at an open house last week for a rescue shelter.
What I mean is, it is easy for a life to go on auto-pilot. Just day in and day out, going through the motions that you've done hundreds or thousands of times.
It's easy to do because everyone else is doing it, so you go along with the motion. After all, you're the one that put it into play. You're the one that makes every decision of every moment about your life and the lives of others. Sometimes it's on a large scale, but most of the time it's these minute decisions that you no longer are aware of doing.
Some of us don't like doing that. Others wouldn't have it any other way.
I listen to the rain falling and I feel Blue's blockhead on my shoulder and hear his deep snoring. Scout and Boots are curled up along my side. Boots begins to purr as I stir and look at the clock.
It's 5:00 in the morning and I am wide awake. I glance over at the pile of incomplete projects on my nightstand and I sigh.
I log on this morning and see good things and bad things, as always. I see some funny shit, some angry crap and general run-of-the-mill posts that bore me to tears.
I watch the humans rushing to work. I look at my checking account and want to cry.
I see that the United Nations chose a pit bull for their stamps for the "International Day of Happiness."
And for a brief moment, I smile. I am happy and I knew this day was coming.
The day when I decide to go in another direction.
I thought I was all done with this nonsense of shaking things up in my life. I'm getting too old for this shit.
But, no. Not me. I lie to myself just as well as everyone else does.
But I have a low tolerance for it and I know it's always just a matter of time before I stop doing it.
Because that smile that I had for a brief moment was the first one in a very long time that I actually felt. I mean, it came from my heart and soul and was a reflection of true happiness for a second.
These animals, these pets that I have, make me smile like that. They make me feel it from the inside out.
Humans often make me shake my head, rub my forehead and want to slap them. The guy who looks right at you and still cuts you off in traffic, knowing you had to slam on your breaks to avoid hitting him.
The woman that sneers at you as you hold the door open for her and doesn't have enough manners to thank you.
And then I read about the wonderful people working so hard without enough time or money to make a difference in an animal's world, but they are getting it done.
The look of gratitude in the dog or cats face when they have been saved will forever be part of my soul. Along with it comes the horror of what some humans are capable of. The part of life that I cannot deal with and yet cannot walk away.
What does this mean?
I have no idea except that I have lost all patience with the those that do nothing to help themselves, let alone extend a helpful hand to the lives around them. I know that my time on this planet is limited and I have no intention of wasting a moment of it on those that do not help to make this world a better place.
My time will be better spent on supporting those that are making a difference.
It's time to turn off the auto-pilot and kick some ass. It's time to turn my back on the negative, roll up my sleeves and immerse myself back into the world of non-profits for humans and animals.
It's time to stop worrying about my own survival and go where this road leads me.
I have no idea where that is, but I'm on my way.
Am I scared?
But I'm going to do it anyway.
Living a conventional life has never been my style and I've been too comfortable for too long.
Yes, it's time to make some changes around here and as soon as I know what they are, I'll let you know.
Waves and logs off...